Of all the things to do.

I am lame.

I have successfully in my sleep somehow somehow kicked the wall hard enough to lame myself IN MY SLEEP. That was Tuesday through to Wednesday night. I didn't even wake up when I did it. I am still wondering why. Now the whole office (as well as it being now in my medical records) knows I sleepwalk fidget and talk (I ran away at the mouth with explanations).
I got stuck in my own shoe, seriously. I couldn't get into it then I couldn't get out of it.

It was abysmal. It was painful and I (this is Saturday) am still hobbling around like I'm wearing high heels of different heights (them being from different pairs). Considering that my normal (some would say natural) state of being when wearing heels is flat on my face/back. Two steps and I'm down. I usually can't even get up afterwards either.

I kicked the wall and somehow hurt the ball of my foot. Not the toe, somehow it escaped unscathed. It didn't even have the consideration to bruise. I could barely walk as it put pressure on it and the hedge looked awfully appealing. I was looking for holes in the pavement for little potholes to put the ball of my foot into.

I was sent to A&E, got poked at (by a bloke whose hands thankfully are a lot warmer than our first aider. It was like being poked with ice. Not very plesant.) and I couldn't go into work this past two days. I'm grounded and bored. So what have I done? Well yesterday I tidied the kitchen and baked whilst being a very fuzzy person and kneeling backwards on a chair (stupid drugs). Its amazing what you can do when your bored and want to do something constructive based on the fact the first day I felt groggy from the pain killers and lay in a heap listening to cars go by.

I gathered all the stuff I needed on the worktop (after I scrubbed it, all the joys and what a fast lane speeding life I live) one place so I didn't have to move. I made 3 pumpkin pies, 3 pumpkin loves, leek and potato soup and bread. ALthough since the latter was made in the bread maker as quantified by effort that isn't very impressive. I also put the shopping delivery away (it only took a week). For some reason I ordered 8kg of museli by accident. Mistaken identity. Bumhats.

Right,

I don't like typing about Egypt, why?
The local people are a complete pest, nightmare and I have wanted to be nice. If there wasn't children hanging or swinging from your trousers, or even rowing up along the cruise ships demanding money, they (adults and children alike) wouldn't get out of the photos (The syphilis hides a multitude of sins, trust me) then they'd demand money (I as sure as hell don't want them in there I'm most certainly now rewarding them for it)We were told at the start DO NOT tip children for no reason because they will then fight and beat each other up and bring more towards you. Gaagggh.. They (people) wouldn't let you go anywhere as you'd get blockaded by them trying to get you to buy stuff, the guards (including the Ak something or other armed police, which is scary) would demand to know what you were doing then tell you to follow them, you'd find out that they only wanted to show you an Ankh, then wouldn't let you go until you bribed them and several times different ones wouldn't let us out of a tomb, or have peace because they were pestering you to look at something. They were also trying to screw you out of every penny you had.

Which is a complete and bl$$dy nightmare if you don't have change. Or can't swap currencies.

I would to see lower Egypt. Espicially now we are a bit wiser to the crap the people put you through.

On one of the last days one of the group (younger guy in his late teens) went on a trip on a horse drawn Kalesh. The driver took him off to his brother's shop and screamed and harassed him until he spent bought a pile of stuff, hugely overpriced. Guy wouldn't take him back until he did. He spent all his money and then he got screamed at because he couldn't pay the fare (also hugely inflated). Lucky his parents came out looking for him and got the guides involved and one of the tourist police.

Not one of the people around the monuments cared about them. They were a means to an end. There was no interest, reverence or anything. It was disgusting. These were sacred to the ancient Egyptian people and if it was anywhere else they wouldn't have been whored out and treated in the manner we saw them treating them.

I should say acting like a total blond vapid idiot works wonders (they give up in disgust). But even when you weren't they'd treat you like you were a fool.

Day 2 Tuesday what did we do, The Valley of the Kings, Queens and the statues of Memnon. In that order. No photo's in there though.

We got up really early, 4 o clock our time! They'd already put their clocks back for winter time-I didn't think it'd make that much of a difference to be honest. But it marked us leaving the insufferable terminally stupid heat time that is summer into the slightly cooler barely more sufferable terminally stupid heat time that is the winter.

we got the alarm call, climbed up and over the lip of the bed* staggered out and around the room. Staggered around confused and shocked, must-remember to clean teeth with bottled water. We

Then dressed and off, with not an insignificant degree of apprehension. It was really nice, fresh fruit including banana, papaya and melon (Gala and water). Breads which were lovely, fig jam, omelettes which were made in front of you, a cooked strange sausage and veg thing with wraps. The breads are much nicer and (astonishingly) very flavoursome. I knew they were much nicer tasting than outs but on tasting them was a nice surprise. There was more sticky and sweet ones and the more savoury studded with sesame or black onion seeds. There was coffee, tea, orange juice and chilled hibiscus tea. I had another go at that. I still wasn't sure. I had an cheese omelette, bread and some Gala melon with orange juice most mornings. The only thing is the jugs dribbled more than the average toddler. I loved the omelette, the chef had two on the go and was flipping them and kept them going whilst looking round himself at the people wandering (staggering in a very groggy manner) around the room.

* The mattress for some bizarre reason had a lip or rim around the edge. Its not as if its tidal enough to affect it all the way up there and since the river was dammed its not going to have sudden change in level. A note, it was much better than that in the Best Western. I could sleep on it for a start. It wasn't fantastic but it was ok. Truthfully I wasn't sure what to expect, its an old boat.

We'd been seperated into different groups the night before and we'd been assigned to Lena (who was very nice). And we headed off at her heels to The Valley of the Kings. On the way there we saw Hatshepsut 's tomb, the Deir el-Bahri Temple in the distance

Howard Carter's house

And the sacred peak which was the reason that the valley of The Kings was placed where it is. To the ancient Egyptians the West bank was the bank of the dead, not to say that only the dead resided there, but that the Souls of the dead followed the path of the sun and like the sun went into the west when the person died. There was one big peak on the other side of the River form Luxor that looked Pyramid shaped. So the valleys under it were sacred and would be protected.

We couldn't take photos in the valley sadly and the photo with all the vegetation is actually taken from the east coast which was actually taken from the back of the camel on the Sunday. In the others you can see several little tombs, especially the second. These are the tombs of officials who were in charge of the different building projects, at the time.

We got there early and we still baked. I apparently went a very bright puce colour under the hat. It was the first day of wearing the Hijab and I was so nervous. Should I wear it? in the end I decided that I disliked putting sun cream on my neck and getting it in my hair more than maybe looking stupid in front of people I'd never see again. The front of it went up and down according to where the sun hit my face.

I would say that if you can afford to (its very cheap) pay to go into extra tombs instead of just seeing the 3 free ones that you get when you buy the ticket in. Those tombs are better preserved and there are fewer people in them you so you aren't rushed. It was amazing to see them with the paint from all those thousands of years ago still fresh and vivid. Don't bother with Tutankhamun, its busy, stifling hot and to be honest, besides the outer sarcophagus there wasn't much to be seen. We'd have rather left him in peace, I suppose you only go there to see what its like and its not worth the effort.

The other tomb (Ramses VI) was virtually deserted, cool and stunningly beautiful. We spent ages in it admiring and just looking at the scenes. This tomb was built before Tutankhamun's and as a result Tutankhamun's twists down and around steeply to get under it. The main shaft down into it was really long (Total length: 116.84 m) with a gradual slope and had a "small" pillared hall in the middle. Which tied into the hypocaust halls of the temples.
We got to see the gorgeous roof scene and journey of the Pharaoh through Nuit. The door (remains) to the tomb chamber and the scarphogas was immense, several feet thick in fact. We found out late (5 minutes ago through the joys of google when I was checking it out) that it was built by Ramses V, Ramses VI's older brother and predecessor. This brother took the unfinished tomb, leaving on the brother's name instead of over scribing them. I'm not sure if he was being nice or lazy there. The brother was actually found in the tomb of another king Amenhotep II.

Out of the free ones we saw Ramses IX which was the most worthwhile out of them. It was much larger so it wasn't as crowded as well as being in much better condition. Because of the heat and cramped conditions the other 2 while nice, were not nice to be in. I never believes that I could want to be out into the sun the other two were ghastly. Too many people, humid, baking hot and almost instantly your back was instantly a puddle.

Anyway the paintings were glorious and we spent ages in there gazing at them. The paints were vivid and to see them and try to understand what they were protraying was such a joy. Getting out of the tomb less so. The bloke had given us a bit of card to fan ourselves, we thought ahh, lovely (part of the service). Leaving he wouldn't let us out and was demanding something in Arabic. I thought it was a demand to see my ticket so I held it out. I got berated for ages by this angry looking and widely gesticulating Egyptian. And he wouldn't let me out for a bit. I was telling him (not that either of us understood the other) that he'd stamped it. We did get loose but he was annoyed.
http://www.touregypt.net/featurestories/ramesses9t.htm

The tomb of Ramses IV was ghastly and hot inside (which also isn't nice when the guide/warden doesn't believe in deodorant) but the pictures were so vivid. The sarcophagus was huge. High wise you were dwarfed by it. The worst thing was how little time you got to see them. You were hussled through it as fast as possible and I rapidly started feeling sick from the humidity which was bound to be damaging the paintings. You actually felt sticky and I needed a breather to clear my head once I got outside. CGBF and I were livid at some dosy tourist going "aren't they so fresh" and scratching at the paintings. I was seething and we were both complaining long and loud every time she did it. Grrrr. The sarcophagus was almost the same size as the main room.

In this tomb the guard was too busy trying to cajole money out of tourists in exchange for fanning them.

I should also note that some enterprising bugger had stolen all the toilet roll out of the toilets and was charging people for it.

We were on the backwards facing last seat on the tuft tuft (train to the main areas of the tombs from the entrance) and we got chased back the entire way by an gigantic hornet. It would zoom back and forward and from different angles towards CGBF (he must have done something fairly objectionable but we could never figure out what). We were ready to just belt out of there when the train slowed down because neither of us wanted to imagine what an eyeful of 2 inch long hornet would be like. But at the last bit it was flying long side. Which meant we'd have to pile out my side. Which was utterly impossible because that side was filled with someone howling "you buy these lady" and doing his utmost to poke them up my nose the entire trip. We were saved by a hornet in hornet action, a fist fight. In some sand. They'd be the yellowshirts dying then (anyone spot the reference to The original Star Trek there?).

True Egyptian (rather than Ptolemic or Roman) have a multitude of scenes and deities. Whereas the latter have the same deities and scenes repeated. Shows the lack of understanding that came with the "wow, this is impressive. I'll get in on this, I think I'll include this, and elaborate that" attitude they displayed.

The Valley of the Queens likewise was a no camera zone and could we get out. We were accosted and only got out when we bought someone. I should have told him a pile of utter nonsense such as this-> that I was a Goddess worshiping infidel and although I had no sisters for him, I was sure my brother wouldn't mind some well tanned rump. I hope either of my brothers read this. They will never find my body. They (and I) aren't homophobic but I'm willing to bet that he is and the thought of me willfully (not only getting run out of the valley of the Queens by a raging mob) but using them to terrorise tourist pests would not please them. Well it may amuse initially.

We got off the bus and ended up fleeing in front of the mob of sellers and ended up in trouble with the guide for wandering off. Its comparable to the spam count on your inbox after posting your email on a really busy website (never done it but heard about it). Like a cloud of flies buyzzz thizzzz youzzz lookzzz? At this point I'd like to mention that its hard not to look when its waved in your face by someone who jumped out in fromt of you.
Ggaaggh, what to give for a Brian Blessed voice, Desist petty MORTALS, Your cheap tat doesn't impress me. BEGONE"

In the valley of the Queens we saw several tombs belonging to children. Who because of their young age were depicted as being introduced to the Gods by their father and offering them stuff. CGBF nearly fell into a hole in one of them. Out of the three tombs we couldn't enjoy looking around them because the guides were pestering us and we had difficulty getting out. Everyone else had gone back to the bus early but we wanted to have a look around.

Next we went to the statue of the Pharoah Memnon. Where there were children being sent off to pester you as well as adults. You actually saw their parents pointing out where they should go. Here the Syphilis got pawed and was much disconserted as they kept trying to pull him out of my hand or pocket.

If you see the Syphilis very large in these photo's he's hiding a small annoying child who was pestering me for money.

When we got back the boat left for Edfu. And I took loads of photos on the way some above and below deck. I was literally running on tippy toes because the deck was burning the soles and upper surface of my feet.
In the cabin the cleaning bloke had been, he'd indulged in topiary!

of my feet.

Right, CGBF has offered to take me out tonight and I'd better get ready. I couldn't find him a gift in town .